A Perspective Change

Dowd Simpson

03 Aug, 2015

If I am being really honest, there are days that I do not want to get up. I want to lie in bed all day. I want to wave the white flag or at least take a mommy sick day. But I can’t, because all mommies know those don't exist and mommies aren't allowed to get sick. But truthfully, I really do not deep down in the depths of my soul want to. There are three little precious perfect lives that depend on me, that I love so much that it hurts. However, there are times when I want to be selfish. Is it selfish? When do I get to do something for me? And what would that something be? What would that look like anyway? 

I am very thankful that my husband allows me to be a full time stay at home mom, so that something wouldn't be a job for me, especially considering I came out of a career in acting. How would that even be possible? I have two hours free, oh ok, let me just jump into the rehearsal process of the theatre production of Les Mis. I don't really see this season of my life allowing for that type of investment. So now what? My sweet honey has given me a couple hours to myself and I am realizing I have nothing. I really don't have any hobbies, and if I do and just don't understand the term fully then most of my "hobbies" would include my husband or children anyway. So what happens when Webb offers me a couple hours to myself. What do I do? I have a mental breakdown of course, an identity crisis. Who am I? What am I doing? And then after a moment or ten of emotional catharsis, I remember who I am, or whose I am, and that my identity is rooted in the foundational truth that I am covered by the sacrificial love and blood of Jesus. That no matter what I do or do not do, I cannot be loved any more or any less, and that is freeing. I am a wife and mom. But I am still Dowd in that role as wife and mom. I have not changed. I am still me. I have not "lost myself" in the midst of serving and mothering. Just as I was Dowd while pursuing an acting career, I am still Dowd while being a wife and mom. So when people tell me that it is important to "do something for me" and make sure not to "lose my identity" while I understand they may be coming with good intentions, the truth is, I haven't lost anything. I have gained a deeper understanding of sanctification through marriage and parenting.

But back to my original statement. There are days that are harder than others, there are weeks and months and seasons that are harder than other, so when I do get a chance to have some "me time" how do I view that and what do I choose to do with it? It begins with a perspective change. Rather than freak out about not "having something for myself," I choose to find ways to "recharge" myself to enter back into what is very much family, my marriage, my life. Recharging can look different for everyone. It may be a movie or a lunch with girl friends or a trip to the spa or a nap or a shower or a book in a quiet room with a cup of coffee. Whatever it is, I want it to refuel me to enter back in a better more awakened shade of myself so that I can again open my eyes and really see the sweetness of this season of life.